For the most part, my social life was this:
(Evie and her friend Ben at her 1st birthday)
(Play time in Evie's room!)
(Look! There's daylight! And there are two of us, so this totally counts as socialization. I kow she lived in my body and all, but we're totally separate now. IT COUNTS!)
Sometimes Evie and I even ventured out into the world. So she could socialize on her own while mommy socialized with other adult humans!
(Like at this birthday party where she socialized in ways mommy and daddy were not particularly pleased with! My little social butterfly really enjoys talking to strangers. I should probably fix that.)
And sometimes, after I went back to work, I didn't want to deal with people. I just want ed my little girl. So we never went anywhere apart, and I spent every single evening looking at this face.
(We're having a screaming contest. I totally won!)
But it was isolating and I started to feel like I NEEDED to go out every so often. Not a lot. But sometimes. So this happened:
(Husband and I ready for a night out!)
We went to a housewarming party once E hit the hay and my dad watched her. She didn't even notice we were gone. Step 1 completed. Leave house without baby.
And it was fun. It was a LOT of fun. And husband was getting so good with Evie. Like I would go to work and NOT freak out all. freaking. day. Which I may or may not have been doing for the few months prior because I was convinced I was the only person other than my own parents (who I trusted simply because I'm still alive) who could properly take care of the baby.
And so I took one further step. I started going out after putting the baby to bed on Wednesdays. And wouldn't you know it, husband was capable of watching tv with a baby monitor on for a few hours while she slept. And at that point I thought "what the hell? Let's give it a try". So I went out for a birthday. During the day. Where there would be liquor and tons of people and a totally kid-unfriendly environment. She stayed home with her daddy, I had fun, and he *GASP* put her to bed without me! And she was OK!
It was a bad precedent to set because he put her to bed again last Saturday so I could go see Star Trek with my nerd family of Trekkies. Thats two Saturdays in the same month I did something with PEOPLE. And husband didn't complain. And I feel like a human being. A little bit like the me I was before I had E. The one who had actual interests. The one I'm going to have to find again when E goes off to college and gets married - oh God I cannot think about right now.
OK maybe I'm not completely ready, and for the most part I'll stick to going out after she's already in bed. But I'm starting to realize it's possible to do things by myself or with Andy again. I don't want to do it all the time. I had a kid because I WANT to be her parent and spend my time with her. But if once a month I want to go out with my friends or my husband and leave an hour or two before her bed time, I think that's pretty OK. And it's kind of awesome to be able to put her to bed and not miss out on any time with her and still get to interact with folks. And it feels pretty good to know it might not be as hard to get back in touch with the "old" me as I thought it might be for a while. Of course I will never need to do that because she's totally going to choose to live in her room and be with me forever right?
Fine. But I'm still holding on to her as long as I possibly can.
