11 Months In

At some point in my 11 month mommy career, I realized that I didn't have time to keep up with a "real" blog. I started a Tumblr site with posts that consisted of 1 or 2 sentence rants, and a description comprised of "Things I want to say when I want to say them". Since then, life has managed to settle itself down, and being a mommy to a tiny tot has begun to make a lot more sense to me.

I have to think that sleep has a lot to do with my perception of reality. And since I actually get some now, things are starting to clear up.

I love being a mom. My daughter is at an amazing age where nearly everything makes her happy (particularly her mommy), and she's able to show it through squeals and clapping. I can sit down to dinner and give her food from my plate. This is a phenomenal accomplishment for someone whose husband subsists on pizza alone. Having a food partner is new and exciting.

I can now start thinking of sharing my favorite things with E. I discovered this the other day when I lifted her up to look at a fish tank and she kept trying to grab the fish. She's aware enough to be interested in things like that these days, and I want to teach her about things I love as she grows up. That's not to say I'll force it on her, but it would be nice to have someone who wants to learn about sea life or photography.

It's strange to me that at this time last year my daughter was still inside. At this time she's standing unassisted, taking a step here and there, talking constantly, giving kisses, and just generally being adorable.

Motherhood is not at all what I pictured. It's infinitely harder than I imagined it could be, and I simply had no idea how much I could love another person. I often wonder how I got so lucky. I fully expect payback at some point, for my attitude as a young child. I can see the sass growing in Evangeline, as evidenced (once again) here:

I'm waiting (not so) patiently for the arrival of Spring. For walks (she'll be walking any day) and bike rides and trips to museums and parks. For the zoo! And the beach! And all the other things we'll experience together.

On Friday I'll be able to say it's her birthday month. I'm shocked and amazed at how incredibly blessed Andy and I are to have this little joy in our lives.